I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
