I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
...so i touched it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
