flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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