What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My ass is underappreciated
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
