Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
