is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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