I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
