I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
