I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
