just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
