I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
