dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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