Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?

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(314): View more from Missouri

Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.

(573): View more from Missouri

Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?

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(708): View more from Illinois

Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.

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(714): View more from California

I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair

Fav 9 1369 2494
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(802): View more from Vermont

Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Then you guys just all showered together...?

Fav 0 49 8
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(248): View more from Michigan

Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand

(248): View more from Michigan

Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo

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