literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
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