she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
