I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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