Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
