You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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