Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
