The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
