you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
