I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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