wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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