my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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