I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize