he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
