I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
