Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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