I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
