all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
