Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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