So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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