I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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