SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
