i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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