I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
