i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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