so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
