I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
