He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
