i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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