We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I have vodka in my lungs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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