I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
