She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize