So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize