Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
