question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it because I queefed?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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