ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
