Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
