My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
