how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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