Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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