I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
