Someone shit on the floor
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
