I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
