This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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