I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
