I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My pussy is not your playground.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
