Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
