He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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