Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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