All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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