Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize