guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
