I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
