Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
