Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i came on her dog
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
