I think i peed on brittanys purse
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
