Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
