thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
