my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
