pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
