I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
