Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
