i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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