My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
