The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
