Is it normal to miss your booty call?
youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
