My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
