I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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