very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
