My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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