there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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