I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
