Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize