Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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