Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
