and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
