he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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