it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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