We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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